I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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