Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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