My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
