so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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