his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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