he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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