i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
