First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
