Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
