Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
