And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
