Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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