Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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