I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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