Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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