I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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