The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
