i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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