we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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