So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
