this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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