I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
