But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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