Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bring me that man meat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
