ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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