just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
