Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize