There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
