Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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