In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
