would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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