but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
