She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
