i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
