She is in my trunk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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