it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
