I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
