We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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