I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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