Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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