my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
