Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
