winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
