Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize