What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
FUCK WHALES
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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