i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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