Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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