shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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