Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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