I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
