my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
