your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
