Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
