dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
