i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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