If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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