i think my tv is drunk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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