lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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