We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
