Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
