My nipple is on Facebook.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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