i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
