On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
