i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
