i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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