i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
