My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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