That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didn't notice because vodka
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
