i think i have two assholes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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