if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just gargled with NyQuil
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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