I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
