guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
