her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
