i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
