the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize