I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I could make wine with my vomit
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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